Mas Despacio Por Favor

Slow down please.

This season is so different from past seasons. Everything is new. The battle with my headaches continues. As I roll into another day waking up with the pain in my temples and neck I feel my heart drop. This was going to be a place for renewal. I get so impatient because this situation has confined me to doing only one thing well each day. My capacity has been limited and I don’t like it. Parameters on my time and how I spend it is not freedom. In it all I hear God’s quiet whisper. Slow down!

I look around and consider. Everything here in this place is speaking to me the same message. Slow Down Please.

To make a tea I must wait for my stove top kettle to boil. Before that I must wait while the clean drinking water drains from the water container on its stand. To have a shower I must wait for the water to become warm. To wash my hair I must wait for the shampoo to rinse out under low water pressure. To get groceries I must take the time to walk there. To eat my fruit I must wait to disinfect it in the water with iodine drops for 15 minutes. To go for a coffee or anywhere requiring a car means waiting for the Uber.

Everything just takes longer. It is fine but it’s new. How much can I breathe in and out while I wait. My text books say breathing deep provides extra oxygen to the brain which enables you to think more clearly.

Waiting. More space. Slow down. For me it has taken a while to realise what God was saying and to force myself into new good habits. Breath in, hold for three and out, hold for three. Walk for 40 minutes for exercise. Sit for more than 10 minutes with my bible. Just sit and watch the sunset. Calm. Peace. Keeping my body at peace so the adrenaline can’t kick in at the wrong time to produce the headache.

My Flight or fight response has been on edge, it wants to jump straight to the adrenaline rush because I managed to burn myself out last year. Even crossing the road here can be stressful. Cars coming. From the opposite direction. The dodging around trucks, motorbikes, cars, Pulmonias, pushbikes, people, dogs: all of the above coming at you at once. Loudly.

Praying. Being mindful. Planning ahead. Rhythms of life. Routines that allow for work, play and rest. Balancing people time with alone time. Talking and listening.

I’ve still got such a long way to go. More space… prayers for wisdom to get there.

I heard a speaker briefly on the weekend at the YWAM Mexico leaders conference. (I was leading some worship in the evenings). He was talking about the vineyard and how to make delicious grapes one must plant their vine in difficult soil. Beautiful flowers grow in lush soil. The best grapes grow in harsh conditions so that the vine must fight and grow to “squeeze out” the best fruit. Another analogy is of the pruning back. For a vine to be fruitful it must be cut back. The more severe the pruning the better the results will be in the long term.

This is definitely a season for me of cutting back. Of learning to thrive in the hard soil. These days are precious and I look forward to watching the future unfold as God reveals His plans. For now it’s just one day at a time. Step by step. One measured, thoughtful, good decision after another. Kate